I tend to shower at the last minute so I usually end up leaving the house with wet hair and without fixing it, ;) believing it gets more volume when it dries on its own like that. One time, a friend said (something like) this to me “What you think it looks like: VOLUME. What it really looks like: BRUHA.” Natawa ako :). Because it’s true. ~ang mga huling yakap days.~

I tend to shower at the last minute so I usually end up leaving the house with wet hair and without fixing it, ;) believing it gets more volume when it dries on its own like that. One time, a friend said (something like) this to me “What you think it looks like: VOLUME. What it really looks like: BRUHA.” Natawa ako :). Because it’s true. ~ang mga huling yakap days.~

Lord
Forgive me when I forget your miracles,
How you have given so few people, and so simple gestures,
But have made them enough.

Sometimes I think it is saddistic cruelty, to have been given all reasons to breakdown and also be given one or two people who will always be proof of God’s love in a day, every day.

I am not proud that sometimes I get so mad,
I say shitty things.
I don’t always like your answers. They seem crazier than me.

Thank you for not striking me dead, at least not yet, even when there’ve been times, I wished for it out of stupid anger.

Help me to be weak,
Help me to be strong,
I need both to love and forgive.
A gift, a task-I have known all my life.
But has been impossible to master.

Whenever I turn around and get disappointed,
And nothing’s there to wipe tears I am too ashamed to cry out,
Lord remind me that it is okay,
It is okay to feel exactly how I feel.

Strip me not of vulnerability but of needless pride,
Forgive my lips they curse too much in hate,
Forgive my heart, they cry out too often in secret,
Forgive me for judging those who judge me.

Teach me to obey, but show me mercy with life’s lessons.

Bind me to kindness and humility,
That I may stay true to who I want to be.
Help me forgive people, when they do not know how they are
hurting me,
Help me forgive the people who plots against me even more, because I tend to hate them.

Pound on my heart, but never leave it. Forgive me.

Let life exhaust me, but help me save my faith.

Kwentong Dinosaurs

We decided to spend the night somewhere else. Ryan went in to pack his things first.

As we waited in the car, I remembered a similar moment.

It was also raining. Lights from passing cars would come and go, and in between the dance of lights, the trees would fade in and out of the shadows.

Czesca was still 4 then.

Sabi ko ”Alam mo ba saan nakatira ang mga dinosaurs?”

”saan mommy?”

"diyan sa mga trees, nagtatago. Tago din tayo para di tayo makain"

Kahit obvious naman na walang dinosaurs dun, feel na feel namin magtago.

Now. Now she’s 7.

Not sure why :),I guess…I wanted to recreate the moment that night. Senti lol

I asked her: “Czesca do you know where dinosaurs live?…diyan oh sa mga puno…”

Ready na ako magtago.

She turned her head to me, medyo parang shocked pa ah.

"Mooooommmmmyy…wala na kayang dinosaurs. Patay na silang lahat… HINDI MO BA ALAM???"

Sigh.

“…ah ganun ba…” :)

She went on to explain how they died out.

Ang baby ko lumalaki na. :)

Sometimes We Over Think Things

I am guilty of it more often than I would like to admit.


Not all the time , but just enough to know some two real struggles in 'unnecessary' episodes of such :] first is when you don’t know when to stop, second is when you already know when to stop but is unable to, either way…placing yourself in your own personalized limbo.

A lot of things can start it- curiosity, misery, truths, lies , sheer happiness, etc and if they were countries, then I may have been traveling all around the world.

I am not entirely sorry though for how restless the mind can get (or maybe I am, depending on the mood ;] ) , it is after all still the womb for inspirations. In the end, we may be sad, happy, satisfied, disappointed or just relieved, left feeling right, wrong or simply silly.

Let’s take this to the shore.

When my daughter was 3. We were in our room. I was sitting on the floor and she was on the bed playing, when suddenly she started talking in what simple words she can string up in sentences at that time as if she was in a conversation with someone.
It got creepier each passing second.

The words in my mouth came out in slow motion, and almost… like a whisper.
I paused for a quarter of a second with each word.

“Czesca. Sinong. Kausap.Mo?”

She stopped, and young as she was, she really did look baffled by my question.

I waited for her answer. And it came.

She said “si………………………… Toy?”

Sometimes we over think things. ;)

Once upon a time. “Mommy.. totoo ba.. pag genius ka, kukunin ka ng government?” / Me deadma-lang answered: ah oo cguro may mga ganung cases din / Ang Czesca na-stressed: “Mommy AYOKOOO!! AYOKO! Mami-miss ko kayo ni daddy!” ~kapal talaga ng mukha ng anak ko :) Love her to bits. Happy new school year.

Once upon a time. “Mommy.. totoo ba.. pag genius ka, kukunin ka ng government?” / Me deadma-lang answered: ah oo cguro may mga ganung cases din / Ang Czesca na-stressed: “Mommy AYOKOOO!! AYOKO! Mami-miss ko kayo ni daddy!” ~kapal talaga ng mukha ng anak ko :) Love her to bits. Happy new school year.

I love the combination of their voice. 

Their duet has taken me to a place where daydreams are born second after second.

Madilyn Paige, she had this Emma Stone-Amanda Seyfried appeal going on, and Tanner James, was just so charming as well.

Their voice was perfect for the song, and I think both Madilyn and Tanner, did well working together without losing their own sounds. 

Paige had a modern Amanda Seyfried-Alisson Krauss sound going on without the squeakiness, while Tanner had this smooth voice,with a tinge of sexy roughness at the end of each line. 

I also like the outfits they chose to wear for that performance, it was kind of perfect because it added to that vintage-romance feel that you could also sense in their duet. 

They had great stage chemistry. 

I have never heard Taylor Swift’s version, but I’m definitely in love with Madilyn and Tanner’s 2-minute cover of the song

"Everything has Changed".

I have watched this so many times. I just love it.

She’s So Lucky

"When you pray for something…let’s say when you pray for patience…does God give you patience or does He give you the opportunity to be patient?"
(Bruce Almighty. )

Baon ng Pebrero

To like someone and only be able to look at them.
It is sad and a little romantic.
When all you can do is be like the sunflower following the sun.

To like someone and only be able to steal quick glances,
It is sad and a little dramatic.
When all you can do is be like the sun’s rays in a late afternoon,
Peeking through and then hiding back behind big fluffy clouds.

To like someone and never meet them,
It is sad and a little too unfortunate,
When all you can be is an opportunity with no chance.

To like someone and lose them,
It is sad and horrible,
when all you can be at this point is human,
with a bag of regrets and words that could have stopped them from going.

(ang chaka ng title sorry haha. pwede na yan lol)

Ang Tao (1)

I think everybody.., no matter how confident they are, or how much of an achiever they are, how beautiful and absolutely amazing they are, there will be times when they would still feel inadequate.

And that feeling is always regarded as a lacking for something, or having no sense of contentment, or just pure insecurity.
And towards the insecure -
often we criticize rather than encourage, judge rather than uplift spirits.
And this makes it so hard for most of us to admit this dubbed ‘weakness’.
But sometimes it is not that we are weak, it is just…that we are hardest on ourselves.

To admit being insecure is like walking around with a halo of shame floating above your head.
But truth is, show me a person who does not know how it feels to be insecure every now and then, and kotongan ko lol :)
It is as normal as minsan… nauutot ka. But just like you-farting, aamin ka ba. ;p

But a little insecurity can be healthy, it teaches you humility.
It opens up your mind to possibilities, it allows you to make room for improvements, therefore it pushes you forward.
The only time it will not do you any good is when you obsess and do nothing good out of it.

In beauty, a pinch of insecurity makes it even more fascinating.
In life, a speck of insecurity makes it more real.

And when it comes to personalities, attitudes and character, a sprinkle of insecurity always proves to be a good source for drawing out true colors.

Confidence may hate it but only because it always has to defeat it first.
But without anything to defeat from time to time, how can there be any true confidence at all.
(I don’t like putting question marks. sorry haha)
And actually even that, hindi tayo sure, because confidence and insecurity, I think they also have a relationship similar to the sun and moon.
They contradict but complement each other .
and they seem to go after one another. :)

To all our secret insecurities.
Thank you. :)

No one has to agree with me, but everyone is free to relate.

One Last Night

I wanted to watch fireworks. I wanted to light up the sparklers I bought but I forgot them at home.

The fireworks outside sounded like giant popcorns popping. It brought back moments from the New Year’s Eve of 2012 in my mind. We were standing among strangers with our gazes focused in the sky, watching fireworks as they shoot up and burst into tiny specks of light. My Pinocchio stars. Tinkerbell’s dust. I was happy that night. We all were.

I pulled the soft blanket over me. I just felt so tired. I slept through the last few minutes of 2013 without saying goodbye, knowing I will close my eyes that night and wake up in a new year.

A comforting thought.

Soon the noises faded away.

And I found myself in 2014.

Doubtful but never faithless.
Emotera pero grateful.

(January dramarama :))